Movie Reviews
Can't decide what to watch? Let me decide for you with these quick reviews.
Rating System
5
| One of the best movies of all time | 2
| Bad |
|
4.5
| Really great | 1.5
| Really bad |
|
4
| Great | 1
| So bad it hurt |
|
3.5
| Good | .5
| One of the worst movies of all time
|
|
3
| Okay | 0
| I died watching this |
|
2.5
| Poor | <0
| I turned inside out watching this
|
|
11/18/07
“The Lookout” (3.5/5) - Good movie that could have been
great if it weren't for the contrived ending.
“Reign Over Me (4/5) - Funny, emotional, and well-acted.
11/11/07
“Mr. Brooks” (3/5) - Good premise, but the characters are underdeveloped, and the plot gets dumber and dumber.
“Sicko”
(3/5) - Not as entertaining as Moore’s other movies, and probably has a
lot of bullshit as usual, but it definitely got me thinking about
healthcare.
“Talk to Me” (3.5/5) - First half is great, but second half is a little cliche. Don Cheadle is awesome.
11/4/07
“Knocked Up” (4/5) - Hilarious. Maybe not the classic that "40-Year-Old
Virgin" was, but still made my sides hurt. I think Judd Apatow is one
of the best comedy writers working today. Unlike Tarantino and Kevin
Smith, his dialogue is raunchy without feeling stilted.
“Spider-Man
3” (2.5/5) - Good action and effects, but the screenplay is terrible.
Has so many dumb parts, it's like they didn't even try.
“Planet Terror” (4/5) - Funny, gross, and highly entertaining. Rodriguez knows how to have fun.
“Death
Proof” (2/5) - Tarantino's worst movie. Has way, way, way too much
talking and not enough killing. I think he’s getting to the point in
his career where he thinks he can do whatever shit he wants, and people
will love it. The dialogue is long, boring, and pointless. Usually,
everything he writes is quotable. I can’t remember one memorable line
in this damn movie. He needs to take a lesson from his friend
Rodriguez. He remembers that movies are about entertainment first and
foremost, not about how clever you think you are.
9/30/07
“The Hidden” (3/5) - Cheesy but enjoyable thriller about an alien serial killer.
9/23/07
“Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy” (2.5/5) - Has maybe three good laughs. The rest is dumb. See “Talladega Nights” instead.
“EuroTrip” (2.5/5) - Not funny except for the Matt Damon cameo. Has some nice boobies though. Needs more of that and less cock.
9/9/07
“The Lives of Others” (3.5/5) - Long and slow, but has a good story.
8/26/07
“Fracture” (3.5/5) - Smart and engaging, but the ending is dumb.
“Carlito’s
Way” (3.5/5) - Great performances and characters, but the story is slow
and unoriginal, and showing the ending at the very start kills the
suspense.
8/19/07
“Perfume: The Story of a Murderer” (4/5) - A strange and beautiful movie about obsession.
“Vacancy” (3/5) - Dumb and clichéd but has some tense moments.
8/12/07
“Volver” (3/5) - Slow and overrated, but Penelope Cruz is hot.
“Die
Hard with a Vengeance” (3/5) - Starts off well, but not as intense or smart as
the previous movies. The mad bomber stuff in the beginning is better
than the heist stuff. Would have made a better “Lethal Weapon” movie.
“The
Bourne Ultimatum” (3.5/5) - Action-packed, but doesn't really add much to the
overall story. It just felt like one chase scene after another.
"Supremacy" was better.
“Disturbia” (3.5/5) - Slow start, and the love story cuts into the thriller aspects, but the movie is suspenseful and kept me guessing.
8/5/07
“Hot Fuzz” (3/5) - Entertaining, but not as good as I thought it would be. Too
slow in the beginning and too spoofy and self-conscious in the end.
"Shaun of the Dead" wasn’t really a spoof of zombie movies; it was just
a zombie movie that happened to be funny. All this does is imitate
without much humor.
7/29/07
“The Number 23” (3.5/5) - Gets kind of silly at the end, but pretty entertaining overall. Jim Carrey does a good job in a serious role.
“Zodiac” (4/5) -
Despite the length and pace, the movie kept my interest all the way
through. An intriguing study on the elusiveness of truth.
“The
Host” (4/5) - A scary, funny, and emotional Korean monster movie about a
family who goes after a mutant creature that has captured one of their
own. Great action and effects.
7/22/07
“Happy Feet” (3.5/5) - Dancing retard penguin saves his species from the evil
humans. Too long and too many penguins, but the visuals are fantastic.
“Premonition” (3.5/5) -
Not as bad as everyone says it is. The movie has a few annoying plot
holes (how come the daughter’s face isn’t cut up on Thursday?), but I
thought it was very compelling, if not original.
7/15/07
“Battlestar Galactica” (4/5) - A smart and exciting miniseries that follows
the last survivors of humanity after a brutal attack by a race of
cyborgs. The handheld camerawork gives the film a unique sense of
realism. The only thing that really bothered me was using the word
“frack” instead of “fuck,” but other than that, the movie wasn’t as
cheesy as I’d expected. I’m looking forward to watching the TV series.
“The
Astronaut Farmer” (3/5) - Corny but moving. The second half of the movie seems
rushed though. I thought I was watching a bunch of montages.
7/8/07
“V” (2.5/5) - Aliens come to Earth and pretend to be nice but are really mean. A
group of resistance fighters rise up against them. Outdated and super
cheesy, yet somehow enjoyable.
“Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” (3/5) -
Jay and Silent Bob head to Hollywood to stop a movie being made about
them. Has some laughs, but it's pretty much one big in-joke filled with
star cameos. The other movies are better and funnier.
“Seraphim
Falls” (3.5) - A Western about an ex-colonel being hunted by a group of men
for something he did in his past. Pierce Brosnan and Liam Neeson star.
Slow and overlong, but effective and well-acted. A lot of people don't
like the ending, but I thought it was cool.
“Lock, Stock and Two
Smoking Barrels” (4/5) - A crime comedy about a group of friends who owe a lot
of money after losing a card game. Funny, hip, and unpredictable.
Similar to Guy Ritchie’s other movie “Snatch.” I think I like “Snatch”
a little more, but only because I saw it first.
7/1/07
“Black Snake Moan” (3.5/5) - Makes you wish more movies had Christina Ricci
chained to a radiator half-naked. Trailers made it look almost like a
horror flick, but it's a pretty meaningful story about love and
friendship. Plus, there's boobies.
“Shooter” (3.5/5) - Thrilling and fast-paced, but gets really dumb toward the end. And Danny Glover sounds like he has a lisp.
6/24/07
“Jesus Camp” (3.5/5) - A disturbing documentary about a Christian camp that
brainwashes children. I liked how the filmmakers never judge their
subjects; they just point the camera and let the audience come up with
their own conclusions (Michael Moore should take notes). It’s
refreshing to see an unbiased documentary. Both sides can praise the
film for entirely different reasons.
“Reno 911!: Miami” (3.5/5) - Only seen the show a few times, but the movie is pretty funny. I wish I could do improvisational humor.
6/17/07
“Breach” (4/5) - Smart and suspenseful character study. Chris Cooper is great.
The movie is sort of like “The Devil Wears Prada” meets “The Departed.”
“Ghost Rider” (2/5) - Cheesy and cliché. Dumb story. Lame villains. The only good thing is Eva Mendes's cleavage.
“Ocean’s
Thirteen” (3.5/5) - Talky, overcomplicated, and not as funny as the others, but
still pretty entertaining. The first movie was the perfect blend of
plot and humor. The second was all humor, and the third overcompensates
by being all plot. I need to watch it again to make sense of everything.
“Music and Lyrics” (3/5) - Enjoyable chick flick. Hugh Grant is at his witty-British-guy-iest.
6/10/07
“Audition” (3/5) - A mostly boring and suddenly gruesome horror drama about a
man who falls in love with a woman who isn’t all she seems. It’s almost
painfully slow for the first hour and a half and then suddenly gets
fucked up in the last twenty minutes, which makes it even more shocking
I guess. It's like three parts chick flick, one part "Hostel."
“The
Holiday” (2.5/5) - Overlong, slow, and unfunny comedy about two women with
relationship problems who switch homes for the holiday. Cameron Diaz is
annoying as hell. The rest of the cast isn't as bad though. The movie
comes close to being sweet and meaningful but needs to be edited down.
6/3/07
“Letters from Iwo Jima” (4/5) - An emotional and well-made war drama about the
battle of Iwo Jima told from the Japanese side. While I thought “Flags
of Our Fathers” was only slightly interesting, this film has a better
story and better characters. Again, Clint Eastwood effectively shows
the futility of war, but this time it’s much more intriguing.
“Hannibal
Rising” (3/5) - An enjoyable horror thriller that follows a young Hannibal
Lecter as he seeks revenge on the men who killed his sister. This
portrayal of Hannibal lacks the charm and brilliance of Anthony Hopkins
(big surprise), but taken by itself, the film is pretty decent. People
shouldn’t compare it with the other Hannibal movies. Those were crime
films; this is just your typical revenge flick.
“Any Given
Sunday” (3.5/5) - An overlong but entertaining and well-cast sports drama about
a struggling football team with an aging coach and an arrogant, young
quarterback. The movie has some slow parts and a few too many scenes
where characters yell at each other, but Oliver Stone’s unique visual
style and the acting by Al Pacino, Jamie Foxx, and others elevate an
otherwise cliché story.
5/27/07
“Smokin’ Aces” (4/5) - An entertaining crime thriller about a bunch of
professional killers who go after a mob snitch. The film is fun without
being too silly and does a good job making you feel for characters you
barely know. Critics unfairly called the movie a Tarantino wannabe.
This is nothing like Tarantino (it reminded me more of “Snatch”
actually). I like Tarantino a lot, but I don’t think he’s some great
god. When Tarantino tries too hard to be cool, he’s just being
Tarantino. But when someone else tries too hard to be cool, they’re
“ripping off Tarantino.”
“Apocalypto” (3.5/5) - A realistic and
compelling drama about a Mayan hunter who must escape his ruthless
captors and save his wife and son. The movie is thrilling, although the
plot is a little too simplistic for its runtime. It’s basically fight,
run, fight, run, fight, run. People criticized the film for being
racist and overly violent, but those people are idiots.
“Die
Hard 2: Die Harder” (3.5/5) - An exciting action thriller about a cop who must
battle a group of terrorists who have taken over an airport’s
communications. The move lacks the charismatic villain and
claustrophobic intensity of the first film but is just as entertaining
with bigger stunts and action sequences.
5/20/07
“The Fountain” (3.5/5) - An underdeveloped but visually stunning sci-fi drama
about a doctor searching for a cure for his dying wife. I’ve been
waiting to see this movie ever since Darren Aronofsky’s “Requiem for a
Dream.” The film didn’t blow me away like I had hoped, but it’s still a
worthy achievement. The beautiful imagery makes up for the weak
character development, although maybe I’m biased, because “Requiem” was
so emotionally devastating.
“Pan’s Labyrinth” (2.5/5) - A disappointing
drama about a girl who, with her pregnant mother, goes to live with her
new stepfather, a sadistic Spanish captain, and escapes into a fantasy
world. The previews ruined this movie. The trailers make it look like a
pure fairytale, but it only makes up a small portion of the film.
Expectations aside, the movie is still pretty good but nowhere near the
masterpiece that people are gushing about.
“The Painted Veil” (3/5) - A
slow but moving romantic drama about a doctor who punishes his
adulterous wife by taking her to a Chinese village plagued by a cholera
epidemic. Somewhat long and predictable, but it’s nice seeing two of my
favorite actors, Edward Norton and Naomi Watts, working together.
5/13/07
“The Pursuit of Happyness” (3.5/5) - A touching drama about a father who must
look after his son while working on a new career and struggling with
poverty. Will Smith’s determination will make you feel like less of a
person. I think I would have killed myself within the first 10 minutes
of the movie. The message is trite, but the film tells it well.
“Clean” (2.5/5) -
A boring drama about a recovering drug addict trying to rebuild her
life and reconnect with her son. The characters are convincing and
sympathetic, but the story is too slow and simplistic. It’s a small
movie stretched to full length.
“Dreamgirls” (3/5) - An entertaining
but thin musical drama about a group of black female singers in the
‘60s. With the exception of Eddie Murphy, who delivers a surprising
performance, I didn’t care about any of the characters. I kept trying
to figure out what the movie was really about, and I realized it’s all
about Jamie Foxx being an asshole to everyone, and everyone slowly
realizing he’s an asshole.
“The Good Shepherd” (2.5/5) - An interesting
but slow and overlong fictional drama about the beginnings of the CIA.
The movie is nearly three hours long and doesn’t really get exciting
until the last hour. The cast is good, but the plot is surprisingly
boring.
“A Good Year” (3/5) - An enjoyable romantic comedy about a
self-centered investment broker who inherits his uncle’s chateau and
vineyard and falls in love with a local French girl. The movie is
well-made despite the predictable story. One expects greatness from
Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott, but the movie is only above average.
5/6/07
“Déjà vu” (3.5/5) - An entertaining but flawed thriller about an ATF agent who
must travel back in time to prevent a terrible tragedy. The movie seems
almost afraid to be too smart. It’ll do something intelligent, and then
it’s like the director said, “Okay, how can we dumb this down?” When
the characters spew out scientific mumbo jumbo, it sounds like
bullshit, but at least they’re making an effort to look believable. At
one point, they even admit that time travel is physically impossible.
Then they do it anyway. How? God. Literally. The flux capacitor was
pretty stupid, but imagine if Doc Brown replaced it with a Bible. After
the movie ended, I did have to think awhile to work out all the details
(hint: there are at least four timelines). The film could have been the
next “Primer,” but it makes too many mistakes.
“Flushed Away” (3.5/5) - A
funny animated comedy about a rat who must find a way home after being
flushed down the toilet. The movie is made by the same people who did
“Wallace & Gromit.” It’s not as memorable, but the humor is still
clever and witty.
“Children of Men” (4.5/5) - An absorbing and beautiful
sci-fi drama about an ordinary man who must transport a pregnant woman
to safety in a world where humans can’t procreate. The movie has the
best camerawork I’ve ever seen. Film geeks love long takes, and this
one has plenty. They put you right in the middle of the action, giving
the film a constant, unnerving sense of realism. I expected a big
sci-fi epic, but I’m glad they kept the story on a small, human scale.
It’s a brilliant little movie.
“Die Hard” (4/5) - A highly entertaining
action classic about a cop who must stop a group of thieves who have
taken over an office building. While watching previews for the new “Die
Hard” movie, I realized I had never seen the first one. I’m glad I
finally did. It’s the ultimate action flick—explosions, one-liners, and
even a nipple or two. I like how, even though it’s silly, the main
character is vulnerable enough to be taken seriously. He always wins in
the end, but he can still bleed and make mistakes.
“Little
Children” (3.5/5) - A well-acted but unsatisfying drama about two adulterous
lovers trying to escape their unhappy lives and a pedophile ostracized
by the community. The pedophile story seems out of place, but it’s
actually more interesting and has some redeeming value. The adultery
story probably has a deeper meaning, but I’m too dumb to figure it out.
“Curse
of the Golden Flower” (3/5) - An intriguing but unsatisfying Shakespearean
melodrama about a Chinese empress who plots a revolt against the
emperor. The movie isn’t as action-packed as “Hero” or “House of Flying
Daggers,” but the characters are more developed, and the story more
emotional. The ending is anticlimactic though and leaves you scratching
your head.
“The Queen” (3/5) - A slow but interesting drama following
Queen Elizabeth II during the week of Princess Diana’s death. Not much
plot but a good character study.
“Bobby” (4/5) - An overdone but
powerful and well-cast ensemble drama about the events leading up to
Robert F. Kennedy’s assassination at the Ambassador Hotel. Despite the
large number of famous faces, the movie has way too many unnecessary
characters. At least half of the seven-plus storylines could have been
cut. Still, the film is an effective portrayal of that time period, and
the ending packs an emotional punch.
“Notes on a Scandal” (3.5/5) - A
tense, well-acted drama about a lonely old woman who takes advantage of
a fellow teacher when she discovers her affair with an underage
student. Cate Blanchett and Judi Dench are both great, but no matter
how good the acting is, it’s still That Crazy Old Lesbian Movie.